blood

blood rolls off my fingers shining foot-prints on every tile all red all bright leading me confusing me going back and forth you saw me all quiet and still you didn't see the prints i chase your dream then am lost look around ..blood foot-prints eerie a drop .. a tear through red and red show fear he's not here stretched veins and souls chalks and pencil strokes one thread with shreds all bright and red shiny glass broken rainbows against flesh piece by piece thread by thread all now shreds a drop or two of pure red blood drip off my teeth on to my tongue a rollover journey around my mouth then onto my lips and further down meandering away onto my navel one stop wonder like water on gravel the color of night dark midnight feet still red foot-prints still bright my hands wrapped around as i turn white

a room

four walls one roof one floor and yet i feel lost he told me to hide in there in that room he left me behind locked the door vacant space and nothing within me either i surrender to impulsive thoughts and wait 12,045 cracks on one wall and on the others? i fall asleep to wake up cold and find no one to hold too tired to know where i need to go so i wait i wait till dawn and then dusk comes my way the blue blood despises and the red river supresses tears of blood flow in vain i see his ghost disappear in the rain unspoken promises kept me going until i didn't see a dawn nor did i see a dusk. four walls a roof a floor and i still feel empty.

Friday, September 06, 2002

a square?
night, yes, night before dawn foggy damp dreary and warm, a sweater thin and tight and shifting and lifting i lean on the edge of the bridge rusty iron and wood creak beneath my feet a quarter? and that's it? the lines of my hand etched in Normandy lost in the basement the first cold day of the very first decade

s m i l e

s m i l e	close comfort heart crashes walls uprooted and thrown around minds spinning day fleeting feelings sought, failings down skin touches the air singed roars of summer washed over by silence wind in my face curls sway on his the sun looked out spying on stolen kisses

a funeral, i prepare for
a requiem to write
a heart to bury
when no one's in sight.

a murder to commit
a crime to create
a heart to kill
when everything's at stake.

with fatigue of shock
those eyes do stare
at the invisible knife
and its murderous glare.

it comes closer
weaving in and out
chasing my voice
though i can't shout.

menacing prancing
sweeping glancing
reeling curling
ritualistic dancing.

i see it coming
i stand still
accept the fact
was born to be killed.

all i asked
was a little tlc
respect, faith
and to be set free.

naive of me
thought i deserved it
forgot my life
wasn't really mine to lead.

but now its all over
i wont feel a thing
my life will end
even before it begins

my wishes, my dreams
turned into the knife
tugging shredding tearing
my heart out of life.

scared or scarred?
wont know till it ends
seppukku? maybe
i see the knife, it bends.

the knife is out
with shreds of flesh
blood oozing and pouring
in a frenzy, a mad rush.

no scream, no pleas
a silent death
all i want
is me put to rest.

gravedance.

in the cemetery white as a ghost i feel the may heat though buried to my soul. sheets of rain and then it pours wash away the dirt from fresh mounds. bones unveiled some flesh too the rain glued wings and then the soul flew. the thunderous clouds do make a beautiful gray they did bid me adieu as they made way for those rays of sunshine that sweep the cemetery and purge the souls to set them free. i wait patiently with arms open wide and i look around quite surprised i find not an ounce of shade nor a tree in sight. why is there no rain on me? i wish to bathe in its holiness. no rays of sunshine do i see and i want to ask for forgiveness. and i do want my soul set free. and i've been gone for long so why does no tombstone exist? i shiver and shudder and realize for i don't exist.

tisha asher ? you wont find her here...

..m...e...e...r...a..

m e e r a

....that name was one of ....the few things we agreed upon. it's a pretty, ....pretty name... stayed in my mind. ....(and i'm sure his too..) ........*meera* ....petty indulgence of mine ....what am i thinking? ....my head hurts ....my thoughts ....my breath ....my heart ....belongs to meera ....i sit here ....weighing life in many languages ....and her unspoken words ....arrive unsaid ....me and my greed ....watch the red river supress dreams ....and me - all of me belongs to meera. ....i still wake up cold and fearful of the demons ....but meera's unspoken calm words guide the demons ....out of me.. and my soul. ....i hold my breath ....and let the rain seep into my soul ....i let the firefly guide me.. ....i let him shine light on my soul ....monsoon moss and wild flowers ....tell me a story.. and make me distant ....but my soul still belongs to meera. ....stopping to rest by my shadow ....black blue raindrops fall to the ground ....wanderous clouds turn black shadows ....to gray by the hour ....i wander in search ....search through my soul too ....i find no one ....her soul alone.. waits somewhere ....meera?......... she was never there. ....as clouds convolute my soul ....as shadows coil over mine, in whorls ....as tears merge with the raindrops ....i see my heart ....- raw ....- open ....- honest ....i hear a requiem. ....its not about meera ....it never was. ....its about him ....he's playing the requiem ....for my dying heart.